U9O.net: You and I Know.

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You have two cows.

Anarchism: You have two cows. You steal your neighbor’s bull and ignore the government.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, charges you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows. A big cattle company ousts you off the business. You sell your cows and work for the big business. The older punch line, truer to the American ideal, was “You sell one and buy a bull.” Addendum, by Pat Paulsen: Then put them both in your wife’s name and declare bankruptcy.

You have two cows.

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In India, they walk around together munching leisurely on food. People ignore them. Sometimes kids will stare. Someone told me that sometimes cows are let out if they are sick, because a cow dying in your home is very bad. These particular two cows seemed very healthy.

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I see two cows.

Rickshaws are often the most convenient way of travelling short distances. Although there are many laws that are supposed to protect you, in many cases, these laws are ignored.

Some helpful hints:

1. Know where the hell you are going, along with landmarks – Surprisingly, since the cities often change literally overnight, there are few landmarks that you can rely on and even the drivers often do not know of a specific spot.
2. Sometimes, if they know you are a foreigner, they will charge you a radically different price. – Be absolutely firm and rely mostly on the meter.
3. Always try to do it by meter, and say no to rickshaw drivers who try to charge time and a half or double the meter (usually at night). Keep walking, you’ll find a different tune. Don’t be afraid to walk out. It’s best to not go alone, of course.
4. Again, invest in some kind of map so the drivers can’t pull a fast one and go around in circles– this is quite common however– and hard to avoid.
5. The cost to ride a rickshaw in Bangalore is usually a minimum of 12 rupees with 6 rupees for every kilometer. 100 rupees is around 2 dollars.
6. While in Bangalore, timed meters (as in charging for time waiting in traffic) is rare and supposedly illegal, but some are modified to perform this function. If you see the meter ticking in traffic, you can either accept it or get off when it’s safe (pay the guy however).

Generally, after a meal, a hot bowl of water with pieces of lemon is often served. Do not drink this. I had a sip before everyone looked at me and laughed. The bowl of water is for washing your hands with the pleasant scent of lemons. Having a good sense of humor, I posed for this picture.

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Here is a small video I took of being in an auto rickshaw before my full post.

Compare it to the popular video on youtube (which I didn’t take).

The traffic isn’t even that bad on both of the videos.

I like

1. Temperature is awesome.
2. Cost of living is ridiculously inexpensive compared to the U.S.A. Things are just a lot cheaper here.
3. Rickshaws are a great way to get from one place to another.
4. The variety of food and night-life. Bangalore is a happening city. Venders on the streets, pirated DVD’s, Diesel bags that go for 10 bucks.
5. Night-life is definately fun.
6. People from all over the place From stressed out call-center managers to elite models to indians with british accents to designers to software developers to investment managers to venture capitalists– you’ll find them all.

I don’t like:

1. The pollution at times can sometimes be overwhelming. This is offset by some breeze.
2. Standard of living can be monstrouly low for many people. People can be seen sleeping on the street, and child beggers working for the criminal underground refuse food in favor of money,
3. Americans are wasteful with a lot of things, and that includes hot water. i wish I had more of it. Every bathroom usually has its own electric heater, but it doesn’t seem to last as long and it’s hard to get going, at least for now.

I’m getting used to:

1. In India as well as in Kuala Lumpur, each toilet bowl had a water spout on a hose. You basically spray your bum with it after you do your thing. At first, it seemed disgusting, but it does feel much cleaner down there. While most don’t wipe, I usually do both. Sprinkle and wipe. It also feels kind of good. Ahem.
2. Rickshaws. It will be explained in a future posting.
3. The head-bobble. A head bobble properly execute is done and in all directions. It means yes/no/I don’t know/okay, all in one. Everyone uses it.
4. Street dogs. Theres a lot of them. They avoid people or sleep during the day and fight each other during the night.
5. Peeing on the walls. Totally legal here.

If it at all possible– when your company asks you whether you mind having two stops, be sure to ask how long each layover is, and at which airport. Luckily, the airports I stayed at was rather pleasant.

Taipei, Taiwan

A rather ho-hum airport– some parts are modern, some parts are not. Most stores open around 8 AM. I stayed around 3 hours and I didn’t really appreciate that there were no food stores open, and no real places to rest.
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While using the people-movers, I noticed some interesting messages from the government.

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If you are visiting India and you will be with some American folk, I highly recommend purchasing some beef jerky from the many duty-free shops. They will definately appreciate it.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

If there is one airport to get stuck at for the 8 hours, this is it. While assuredly this is probably not the best airport I’ve been to (Seoul/Inchun, Tokyo, and the Singapore airport come highly recommend by me or people I know), it holds it’s own rather well. The outside appearence of the landing strips were rather deceiving, as was the attendant curteously reminding everyone in the airplane that the smuggling of illegal drugs was a capital offense. The terminal I arrived at looked rather grungy from the outside and the landscape just outside of the ominous fences looked grungy and ill-kept.

But as soon as you walk in, you notice that everything is rather clean and well-kept. Wide open architecture and the presence of an entire mall should keep you occupied in comfort. There is a wide variety of restaurants are bars, and the Starbucks has all the same products as the ones in the US. I was asked if I wanted whipped cream on top of my ice-blended green tea frappachino, although in a slightly different accent, and although he called the whipped cream “milk cream”.
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I highly recommend the in-airport massage and relaxation therapy. For around 30 US dollars you can receive a 110 minute foot, neck, back, and shoulder massage. The attendant cracked all my toes, my neck, and my back. The foot massage is rather vigorous, but your feet comes out smelling clean and with the consistancy of ground sirloin.
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While I did not know this, you can also take the tour bus and visit downtown Kuala Lumpur.

Bangalore, India

For an airport that is in the hub of India’s IT revolution, it was rather unsettling that as I made myself to use the restrooms, that none of the doors worked and toilet paper was not to be found. The rotating rubber threads (and only one in my particular terminal) that the baggages emanated from creaked, and the layout was such that people had a hard time accessing their baggage. I fully expect the Indian government to fix this in the next few decades as Bangalore is a rather important tech city (then again, the San Jose, CA airport isn’t all that great– I suppose IT guys don’t get much love)
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Customs in Bangalore, India is a rather arbitrary affair. In fact, it gives the customs agent much leeway to charge whatever duty he wants on you if he thinks he can get it. For this reason, I highly recommend you do not carry much cash in your wallet or money bag. Instead, tuck it away safely in the bottom of your bag. There is a laptop exception, of course, but any other electronics are fair game for the rather small maximum value (something around $200 US– I will check later– but the rules were complex) amount that you can bring in. I do not recommend breaking any laws, and I believe it to be rather fortuitous that I suddenly forgot how to speak fluent English and I only had about 5 dollars in my wallet (the customs agent pointed to my bank cards, but for some reason the ATM’s did not take mastercard or visa– this will most likely change, so keep your bank cards away), and I did not remember the presence of my Nintendo DS Lite. I highly recommend digital cameras to be put away, as that was the tip-off for the man to take me aside. Once again, your results may vary and please follow all applicable laws in whichever countries you may stay at.
I personally overheard a japanese man paying $200 in order to bring some of his items in the country.
Expect to be hassled by crowds of auto-rickshaw drivers and various “guides” as soon as you claim your baggage. Fortunately, my company’s employees were there to shuttle me to our office and apartment complex. However, with taking a rickshaw, I highly recommend you know what you are getting to (a future post is hereby promised).

There is a fair amount of preparation involved in obtaining the necessary items in order to visit a country such as India. A Visa (not the credit card processing company, rather the permission from the government), tickets, clothes, medical supplies, medical vaccinations, are all highly recommended.

A few months in advance of your trip, vaccinations and a consultation with your doctor is highly recommended. Malaria medicines, antibiotics, as well as refills on medications you ordinarily take should be discussed. Dental work before you leave might not be such a bad idea, either.
A Visa and a passport can be obtained in as little as 2-3 days, or even overnight, but it’s highly recommended that you apply for one a few weeks in advance, as it becomes much more expensive. The Indian consulate requires you have your tickets already purchased before applying for anything. A variety of passport and visa expeditors can be found online– I searched for a local place in Los Angeles (as the Indian consulate does not have offices in this region), and went in person to qualm any fears of it being a shady organization. Be prepared to pay a variety of fees.

Helpful hint: If you are not being paid in India, (IE, your paychecks are still being paid in the US), I highly recommend a Tourist visa instead of a business visa, as the latter requires more fees and your chances of being granted a longer Visa such as a 1 year or a 5 year dwindles.
I recommend your carryons to be light, and all non-essentials should be placed in your check-in baggage. Do bring in your carry-ons: A extra tshirt, underwear, comfortable shorts, socks, deoderant, DVD player, portable gamins system, and perhaps your favorite toothbrush and soap and other essential cosmetics. Some tissue paper is HIGHLY recommended, as bathroom conditions may change depending on the airport you may stop at. Cash in TWO places (with most in a deep pocket in your bag, and a smaller amount in your wallet or money belt).

I recommend just 1 carry-on, preferably a nice comfortable backpack with plenty of padding. Lockers may or may not be found in various airports if you do have a lay-over and it’s much easier to maneuver if you aren’t lugging multiple baggages.

Be sure to check that you are in the right terminal before standing in line for 45 minutes. I stood in line for 45 minutes at Air China, before the person at the counter helpfully told me that I should have stood in line at China Airlines. It was a rather long walk to that terminal at Los Angeles International– I’d rather you not make the same mistake as well.

If you took the late flight (1:15 am, to be precise) as I did, it’s highly probable there will be some empty seats. Be sure to ask the various attendants on the airplane if you can move to a more favorable seat. Also, just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. For example, I spent 3 hours being bored before I realized that the screen in front of me that I could not control with my seat remote was just there for display, and that there was a pop-up screen below that tucked away. Note– many modern airlines have video screens across the board for all classes.

Don’t be afraid to ask if you aren’t sure of something– the people at the airports have seen plenty, and what you may ask isn’t going to be anything out of the ordinary.

On July 17th, I’ll be flying to Bangalore, India, for my job. I’ll try to detail the trip as much as possible as well as get back some of my writing skills I seem to have lost over the years. This information should be useful to people who are going to India, or thinking about going. For my friends throughout the years who used to remember me as a writer of impeccable standards, not to mention a clever, dry, and refreshing narrative style– okay, it’s going to take some time for me to remember how grammar and spelling works.

Some of the things I plan to write about:

• Planning the trip. Getting a Visa, passport, and getting plane tickets on the cheap. Immunization shots, malaria medicine. Indian doctors and dentists.
• Things to watch out for before getting on the airplane.
• Things to watch out for while on the airplane.
• Things I wish I brought on the airplane.
• Now you’ve landed in India. How do I get somewhere?
• Transportation in Bangalore
• Eating in Bangalore
• Things to do. Night life.