Dave’s Guide to Looking Like You Are Skilled at Using a Something On The Computer
Have you ever been absolutely amazed at someone’s apparent skill level when watching them use flash or photoshop or windows or whatever computer application? Have you ever wished you could instill the same amount of awe into someone else?
Here are a couple of easy steps to make people think you are an uber whatever.
For this example, I’ll use the example of “designer”. Specifically, website designer.
Memorize these words when describing your artwork:
Contrast
Elements
Layers
Abstract
Paradigm
Transcendent
Convergence
Use these words whenever you are describing your artwork. It doesn’t really matter how you use them. Explain with arrogant derision when someone doesn’t understand what you are talking about: “Pssh. It’s too complicated for you man. Go read a book or something”
“Dude, like, the contrast of the elements provides a transcendent basis for my new paradigm. Don’t you like how the layers provide an abstract symbolic convergence?”
When you are using a program, like photoshop, or flash, look for the top couple of quick keystrokes that will make you look like you know what you are doing. When you are “designing” something, press all those keystrokes, for example, control I, control-tab, control-E, etc, all in rapid order. Explain with arrogant derision when someone doesn’t understand what you doing: “Pssh. It’s too complicated for you man. Go read a book or something”
If you are using photoshop, learn to open a picture and rapidly apply a whole bunch of filters on it. then talk about contrasting elemental layers that is the basis for your transcendent new paradigm.
Ridicule people who don’t use notepad like you do for HTML. Ridicule people who steal your code. Although HTML isn’t really code. And its been done a million times before you ever did it. Explain with arrogant derision when someone doesn’t understand what you are talking about: “Pssh. It’s too complicated for you man. Go read a book or something”